Not much going on here at the moment, so here's my collection of email and usenet sigs to keep you going.

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents.

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

Eat more chips - don't let salad win!

Constipation is the thief of time, but diaorrehia waits for no man!!

When asked what he thought about Western Civilization, Ghandi quipped, "I think it would be a good idea".

Learn from the Mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming; WOW!!! What a ride.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

There's no such thing as an aggressive driver... Just those of us who are trying to get around all the friggin' morons out there.

Opinions are like arseholes, everyone's got one.

I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong.

Politicians are like nappies,they need to be changed often,and for the same reasons.

Anyone who thinks they're getting the truth from political advertising doesn't deserve to vote.

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed....oh.....wait a minute....he already

Religion is the human response to being alive and having to die...

Let's get this straight: because there's, say, a .000001% chance of me being killed or otherwise abused by the mob, the corner dope pusher, kiddie porn freaks, or religious-nut bombers, I'm supposed to sacrifice my privacy, freedom of speech, security, and other civil liberties? I think not.

If you give up drugs, alcohol and sex you don't actually live just seems longer.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level and then beat you with experience.

The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they
foul up there's no law against whacking them around a little.

I'm not saying that everyone is stupid, but lets take safety labels off stuff and let the problem solve itself

Some people are like Slinkies™, not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...

I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example.

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

"I was unable to test full stability before the system failed"

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

I ain't afraid of dying'. I just don't want to be there when it happens!

"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."

Restitution is where you get your money back, retribution is where you get him alone in a room with a metal-studded sap. Justice is where you get both.

Lazy = getting what you want with the least amount of work
Efficient = getting what you want with the least amount of work.

I'm not suffering from Insanity. I'm enjoying every moment of it!

A good friend would bail you out of jail but a true friend would be sitting next to you saying "damn we fucked up".

Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it's wrong. No matter how
fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is
waiting for it.

Wise men always have something to say. Stupid men will always have to say something

I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous...

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity." -- Albert Einstein

Quitters Never Win, Winners Never Quit,
But Those Who Never Win AND Never Quit Are Idiots

Life is a terminal condition!

There are 10 kinds of people, those that understand binary, and those that do not.

I am note sure wich is worse, my spreling or my prof reding

If ya can't dazzle 'em with brilliance,
baffle 'em with bullshit...

"Sooner or later... time will tell"

There once was a deity named God
Whose manner was exceedingly odd
He created the universe
Which is weird and perverse
And stuck me with this non-studly bod.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think
I've forgotten this before.

'If I don't reply to your post it doesn't mean you won the argument, it means
my time is valuable.'

There are two ways to get exercise from a bicycle, you can ride it or you can overhaul it

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build
bigger and better idiot-proof programs,
and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the universe is winning.

My best moments are when I am asleep.
The nightmare starts when I awake.

Black holes result when God divides the universe by zero.

HTML email should be treated in the same manner as sexual acts between
consenting adults.  Only done in private places where willing parties,
whom agreed upon such an act BEFOREHAND, will see it.

There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.

There are two types of people in the world, those who annoy me and those I have not yet met.

A. Top posters.
Q. What's the most annoying thing on Usenet?

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

"Some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue".